Hi. How’s your day been?
She – a bit surprised: Oh hi. :) It’s been fine. How was yours?
You: Stressful. I have so much to do because of that exam I have next week. I have to read two more books and they’re not an easy read.
She: Sounds tough!
You: It is. Btw I’m John! Nice to meet you!
She: Emily, nice to meet you too!
You: So.. What do you do?
She: I’m a teacher!
You: Really! At which school?
And the conversation is on! You just broke the ice and can now get to know her better!
It’s always a good idea to do an activity that doesn’t require much attention parallel to having a conversation. Something like billiard, darts, bowling, cooking, sports, taking a walk,… It takes the pressure away and makes everything flow smoother and more natural.
A little tip on the side:
In case you are a good pool billard player, let her win but don’t make it too obvious.
Start step by step:
Step #1:
You can begin by starting conversations with friends of friends, people you don’t fear talking to. Don’t move on to the next step until you feel 100% comfortable with this step.
Step #2:
Chat with strangers whose job is talking to customers e.g: bartenders, waitresses, salespeople etc. These folks won’t reject you! It’s more or less their job to be nice to you and to give you a good feeling.
Step #3:
After that talk to random people you are not attracted to whenever an opportunity arises.
Step #4:
And finally: Talk to women you are attracted to. Hot women are humans too. Don’t act differently around them. They want to get to know you with all your good and bad qualities and not an actor who constantly tries to trick them into bed!
Your order of progression with these steps could be different. Always take one step and practice it until you feel comfortable, then increase the difficulty slowly.
She – a bit surprised: Oh hi. :) It’s been fine. How was yours?
You: Stressful. I have so much to do because of that exam I have next week. I have to read two more books and they’re not an easy read.
She: Sounds tough!
You: It is. Btw I’m John! Nice to meet you!
She: Emily, nice to meet you too!
You: So.. What do you do?
She: I’m a teacher!
You: Really! At which school?
And the conversation is on! You just broke the ice and can now get to know her better!
It’s always a good idea to do an activity that doesn’t require much attention parallel to having a conversation. Something like billiard, darts, bowling, cooking, sports, taking a walk,… It takes the pressure away and makes everything flow smoother and more natural.
A little tip on the side:
In case you are a good pool billard player, let her win but don’t make it too obvious.
Overcome Approach Anxiety Step By Step
One of the most common mistakes I observe over and over is good guys who turn crazy as soon as they talk to an attractive woman. Counterintuitively, the path to solving this problem is by starting conversations with everyone but women you are attracted to.Start step by step:
Step #1:
You can begin by starting conversations with friends of friends, people you don’t fear talking to. Don’t move on to the next step until you feel 100% comfortable with this step.
Step #2:
Chat with strangers whose job is talking to customers e.g: bartenders, waitresses, salespeople etc. These folks won’t reject you! It’s more or less their job to be nice to you and to give you a good feeling.
Step #3:
After that talk to random people you are not attracted to whenever an opportunity arises.
Step #4:
And finally: Talk to women you are attracted to. Hot women are humans too. Don’t act differently around them. They want to get to know you with all your good and bad qualities and not an actor who constantly tries to trick them into bed!
Your order of progression with these steps could be different. Always take one step and practice it until you feel comfortable, then increase the difficulty slowly.
Some Personal Tips That Have Served Me Well
- People LOVE talking about themselves. Ask open ended questions
during conversations. Those are questions that force people to answer
you with more than one or two words. Most of these questions start with
“how” or “what”.
Examples: “What is it like to live in Denmark?”, “How do you envision your life after college?”, “Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time?” Also, check out these open-ended questions. - Earn the other person’s trust by showing vulnerability. Allow them to see your weaknesses and never play too cool for school! If the other person trusts you he/she will open up and be much more perceptive.
- Don’t hide what you’re thinking and express your opinion clearly.
Nothing is more boring than a person who tries to be liked by everyone.
In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.
Consider that it’s ok not to get along with everyone. That’s a good thing because it helps filter out people who aren’t compatible with your vision of life.
-Coco Chanel - Practice listening. Most people think about what to say next while the other person is still talking. Never ever do that! It just distracts you, makes you come across as a bad listener and lets you run out of words!
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